party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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