Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
