OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My pussy is not your playground.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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