I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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