y did u give ur computer a hand job?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
