Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
