I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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