So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
