Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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