wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize