we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
