Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
