So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
