My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
