Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
