Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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