sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
false alarm. still invincible.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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