I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize