final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
