I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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