ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
