WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
