dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
