...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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