Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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