Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize