Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
