he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
