i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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