My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
