naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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