ugly people sure do ruin things
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
