No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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