sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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