You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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