I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
