Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
