i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
