She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
