walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
