I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
