What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
