im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
