i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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