Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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