Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
