My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
