your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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