When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
