he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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