I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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