Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
