im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
