No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
