Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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