she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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