He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
