omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
