His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
