He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
