Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
