I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
