Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
