also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
