So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
