Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
