Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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