i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
