I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
