oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
