thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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