He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had sex bonerless
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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