he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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