uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
