can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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