I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
