I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
