In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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