Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
