Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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