I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
