Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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