i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
