just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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